For me my passion for living a happier and healthier life came from a DEEPER place than I sometimes I let on. Here is my story.
As a child I wanted to be the BEST I could be. My parents instilled values, morals, and hard work ethic into me at a very early age. They helped me become who I am today and have made me the HARD independent worker that I am proud of.
However, I describe myself as someone that is a pleaser, puts others first, will take on others stresses, hurt feelings, and work JUST to make them have a better day. I LOVE people. I love when people FEEL good. I love to help people. BUT when pressure and negativity are brought my way I struggle to let it go and not bottle it up. You see --- I am a pleaser. I don't want people to feel bad or to hurt. I don't want people to feel a sense of sadness or anxiety SO I take it on myself. I often do this without knowing.
Throughout my life I have struggled with this and DID NOT even know it! I would go through these spurts as a kid of lack of self worth, anxiety and withdrawn behaviour, and then a LOT of lashing out towards loved ones. You are probably thinking --- why didn't you tell someone? Why didn't you speak up and tell someone they were hurting your feelings or putting pressure on you? Or why didn't you tell your mom?
The truth is I was afraid of looking weak. Yup -- WEAK. As a kid I thought talking about feelings and feeling GOOD all the time and allowing OTHERS to help me was a sign of weakness.
I carried this with me all throughout my life. By the time I was in University the level of stress that adult decisions, school, and relationships were bringing into my life, I could NOT BARE the feeling of anxiety and depression I was feeling. I began to self destruct relationship, pull away from friends and family, and completely throw myself into work in order to AVOID people! This kind of unhealthy stress lead to me making the decision to see a Councillor. Here is where I learnt of my bottling up and self pressure. I learnt that negative attitudes and situations don't just make me grumpy, they WEIGH heavy on me. I learnt that lack of communication or direct conversations make me anxious. AND I learnt that my lack of self confidence made me unhappy, insecure, and nervous around people.
It was 19 months ago that I decided to change my life. I did this by opening up to my husband and parents; shared my feelings and insecurities and completely put myself out there. Because of coaching and Personal Development I LEARNT that it is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to share what is on your mind. What you think IS IMPORTANT and it deserves to be heard. In addition, I learnt that it is okay to wear your heart on your sleeve but sometimes we need to let go of somethings, push away the negativity and distance ourselves from the things that make us not feel good.
These 19 months have change my life. I went from being a distant, unhappy, negative person who only spent time working to someone that takes the time to ENJOY the moments, to share joy, and to embrace what life gives us.
The biggest lesson of all was LEARNING more about ME! Becoming in touch with WHO you are can drastically change the way you lead your life. I know that when I am around negativity I will become detached. I know when someone is stressed that I need to support them, not take the stress away from them and put it on me. I know that when I need to focus on my hobbies and things that I enjoy doing, I DO it -- I make it a priority. I know that when I am working hard on something - I need to be proud of it. I know that WHAT I believe in is important to ME and I should stick my guns.
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BECOMING in touch with ME is what saved my life. I am a better friend, teacher, wife and family member because of it.
SO today I challenge you to turn a frown into a smile, take a negative and make a positive, find something to appreciate, and BE YOU and never apologize.
September was a rough month for me mentally and emotionally. I had more low moments than high. I let people, opinions, and negative self talk get in the way of who I am. I am human and that is okay.
Today I am saying YOU are unique, you are special, you are beautiful --- BE proud of you!
If you are interested in learning more about becoming a more positive and happy you message me or join my in reading the Gifts of Imperfections!
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This month I will be reading this book in search of growing as a person so I can better understand others and myself. My goal is to work on letting go of judgement and negative talk all together. I hope to EMBRACE every person for who they are!
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